“Practice makes perfect,” we learned as kids.
“Do things right the first time,” we learned in Total Quality Management.
Doing things right the first time is for manufacturing. It means quality happens during assembly, not during inspection, when you’d have to do it over. Outside of the factory, you have to make mistakes first.
Practice is as useful for leadership techniques as for methodologies like Use Case Analysis, or really difficult skills like welding.
Perhaps that’s why so many people turn into jerks when they’re promoted to leadership positions.
Let me explain. An important part of leadership is the ability to deliver bad news — small, but important nonetheless. Unfortunately, it’s as unnatural as the embouchure for the oboe (trust me) so we usually flub it the first time out.
What happens next? Some leaders avoid repetition. They either leave management or just skate by difficult situations. Others overreact the other way, giving lots of people bad news, whether or not there’s bad news to give. It’s that practice thing we were talking about earlier.
Most bad news doesn’t have to be given. Two open-ended questions do a better job: “How do you think you performed?” and “How could you do better next time?” Usually, you’ll find that the employee already recognizes the problem and, with encouragement, can figure out what would have worked better. Just empathize, so the employee knows this isn’t a catastrophe, applaud the employee’s professionalism in recognizing a substandard result, and reiterate the employee’s value to you and the company.
This doesn’t always work, though, and when it doesn’t, be prepared. Here are some tips and techniques on how to give bad news (but don’t expect to be excellent at this until you’ve been through it a few times):
Tip No. 1: Make sure this isn’t just a personality conflict. Employees don’t have to like you but do have to respect you. You owe them the same attitude.
Tip No. 2: Scale your delivery. If it’s trivial, don’t bother. If it’s not that big a deal, say so and explain why you’re taking the trouble to discuss it at all. If it’s a significant issue, make that clear, too.
Tip No. 3: Be sure of your facts. It’s demotivating for the employee, and embarrassing for you, if you find out the events you’re reacting to never really happened, or happened very differently from what you’ve surmised.
Tip #4: Plan the conversation. Don’t trust your natural eloquence. Make sure you know what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it.
Tip #5: Be resolute. Yes, resolute, corny as it may sound. And keep the conversation focused. For example, you may have an employee who, through passive resistance, is subverting a goal you’ve set. If the employee questions your goal, say, “We can schedule a meeting for that conversation if you’d like. Right now, that is the goal and we’re discussing your decision to not achieve it.”
Tip #6: Listen, but don’t let the conversation drag out. Your goal is to make sure the employee understands you – liking you or the message probably isn’t feasible. Paraphrase the employee’s position and confirm you got it right. Then ask the employee to paraphrase your message. When you’re sure the employee understands you, end the meeting.
Tip #7: Retain your composure. Anger is unprofessional. Exhibit the behavior you expect. If the employee becomes angry, don’t respond in kind. If it continues, say, “We’ll continue this conversation when you’ve regained your composure.”
Tip #8: Bad news is private. Be careful, though. While it’s never appropriate to chew someone out in public, many experts suggest, and some HR departments insist on, a witness to any difficult performance-related discussion. Since sexual harassment itself, unwarranted accusations of harassment, and wrongful termination lawsuits of all kinds are real, private conversations can be risky, and not just when you and your employee are of different genders. Consult your HR department for advice and to determine your company policy.
One last thought: While it’s important to be able to give bad news effectively, it isn’t important to like it. If you find that you enjoy the experience … you’ve stepped across a dangerous line.