It’s time to rant and rave. It’s time for all of us to rant and rave, because everything about the quagmire our so-called leaders have plunged us into was entirely foreseeable and entirely preventable.
Yes, that’s right. The subject this week is the change in daylight savings time, and how completely idiotic it is. Oh, sorry, I have to apologize — I’m being unfair to the idiots of the world.
If you didn’t know this is happening, WAKE UP!!! YOU HAVE TO CHANGE ALL OF YOUR SYSTEMS!!! NOW!!! Congress (or the Senate, or both … who really cares?) instituted this change in response to rising oil prices, figuring it would actually save daylight or something.
Okay. I’m not being entirely fair. The change in daylight savings time is projected to reduce oil consumption — probably by about three barrels a day (1,008 pints). Well worth the effort.
(This is a rant. Don’t expect actual facts. Were I to present actual facts I’d tell you that the additional four weeks of daylight savings time is expected to reduce U.S. oil consumption by about 0.12% each day, or a whopping 0.009% of our annual bill for petroleum. Remarkably, even Gartner doesn’t seem to have published an estimate of the cost for compliance.)
This situation proves once again that the collective IQ of a group is inversely and linearly proportional to the number of members. We have 535 senators and congressional representatives. If we assume the average member has an IQ of 120 then the group IQ measures somewhere close to … well, to 120/535, which is close enough to nothing as makes no difference.
The current fiasco is clearly a case of someone in Congress (authors: Rep. Edward Markey, D-Massachusetts and Rep. Fred Upton, R-Michigan) saying, “Sure, it’s posturing, but it’s harmless posturing.” Very similar to the legendary executive “view from 100,000 feet,” where all things are easy because the details are too small to see.
Here’s my suggestion. Instead of handling calendrical issues piecemeal, Congress might as well do everything at once, in … call it the Consolidated Calendar Reform Act of 2007:
- Rather than continuing to push the start of Daylight Savings time earlier and the finish later, declare that noon occurs at 1 pm from now on and be done with it.
- Let’s get government out of the Christmas controversy by leaving the definition of the Christmas, Chanukah and Kwanza seasons to whichever religions have jurisdiction. Instead, Congress will do something useful by placing legal limits on the holiday shopping season, by making it official and declaring its boundaries. I suggest it start no earlier than June 1st and end December 30th.
Violators will be sentenced to a year and a day in a jail cell, forced to listen to the Muzak version of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus for the duration of their punishment.
- Why stop there? The Gregorian calendar is a peculiar artifact. Change the year from its current nonsensical pattern (thirty days has September, and Sept, which means seven, prefixes month nine) to a more rational version.
The Triskadecacalendar would have 13 months of 28 days each, plus New Years Day, which wouldn’t be in any month at all. This would have the salutary effect of allowing no possibility of fiscal quarter reporting, eliminating this artificial distraction from actually running a business.
- And finally, from now on, once elected to office, all Presidents of the United States will have their official birthday moved to President’s Day. After all, if Washington and Lincoln aren’t allowed to celebrate their own birthdays, why should the current officeholder be allowed to do so?While we’re at it, the law will mandate that Microsoft finally fix Outlook so that President’s Day (and all other holidays and full-day events) doesn’t move around to other dates when your computer changes time zones.
Here’s a question to ponder: Big business has formidable lobbyists in Washington DC. They live on K Street. Where we voters get a voice in our government once every two years; business lobbyists get a voice in our government over lunch every day, and often more … previously on luxurious excursions they paid for, now on luxurious excursions paid for by political action committees, to which they contribute funds in quantities large enough to offset the costs of the excursions.
They have access and they have influence. So where were they when Congress was passing this very expensive distraction to our ability to take care of business strategy and tactics?