I’ve never had much use for Myers-Briggs, or, for that matter, any of its competitors in the fit-all-seven-billion-plus-human-beings-into-just-a-few-categories industry. Among my concerns: I’ve never understood what makes one set of personality categories special.

Not to mention their marvelous utility for making excuses for yourself while helping you stereotype everyone else.

But if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. And so, I’m proudly announcing the Keep the Joint Running WPAM personality indicators (Ways People Annoy Me). Here’s the framework:

 

Personality dimension Response type #1 Response type #2
Patience (N)one

Archetypical response: “Don’t waste my time with two-syllable words. Or subordinate clauses.”

(I)nfinite

Archetypical response: “Whenever you’re ready. In the meantime I’ll just enjoy the scenery.”

Communication (T)alker

Archetypical response: “What do you think oh, wait, I forgot, I have more personal brilliance to share with you first.”

(L)istener

Archetypical response: “Tell me more, because if you don’t I’ll have to come up with something to fill the silence.”

Confidence (A)rrogant

Archetypical response: “I’ve never been wrong. I know because nobody has ever proved to me that I was wrong.”

(I)nsecure

Archetypical response: “This idea is probably worthless, because so am I.”

Integrity (S)cout

Archetypical response: “I adhere to my principles, even if the result is that the world will end.”

(P)sychopath

Archetypical response: “I always do the right thing … defined as ‘what’s best for me.'”

 

The WPAM personality indicators are far more useful than Myers-Briggs. All Myers-Briggs can do for you is to help you understand how different people reach an understanding about the world. That’s nice … it might even help you communicate with them more effectively.

But compared to what WPAM can do for you, namely, brace yourself for the next encounter so you can successfully hide your irritation, the value of being able to communicate better pales in comparison.

Over the years I’ve probably been too hard on the poor folks who live in Myers-Briggs-land. If everyone would limit their use of it to what it actually means … how different types of person start their process of understanding something, then it would be pretty useful.

After all, if you know your colleague George tends to build up an understanding of a forest by starting with each individual leaf, gradually assembling them into trees, and then assembling the trees into an ecosystem, you’ll know something about how you should go about explaining the role squirrels play to him.

That’s compared to your other colleague, Julie, who starts her understanding with a vague sense of “a bunch of tall green things,” gradually drilling down into the details.

The key to this is the word start. When you need to understand something you have to start somewhere, and no single starting point is superior to any other.

That’s as contrasted with where you finish. Because some forms of understanding clearly are superior to others. For example, imagine what you need to understand is how to design the footings for a bridge.

One form of understanding is based on estimates of how many vehicles it can hold, their average weight, the weight of the bridge itself, the compressive strength of different forms of concrete, and careful calculations. Another is based on the design engineer staring at drawings of the bridge and letting his eyes unfocus as he absorbs the bridge gestalt. A picture of the footings pops into his head. Voila! He “knows” how many footings the bridge will need and how big each of them should be. Time to organize the work crews, order the concrete, and have a beer.

I’d say one form of understanding is clearly superior to the other.

Think it’s a rigged example — that a different example, rooted, perhaps, in aesthetics, might argue for a different approach to understanding? Okay, it’s time to redesign the home page and templates for your company’s ecommerce site.

One designer, equipped with a list of ecommerce home-page and template design rules, applies them to develop a text-book perfect look and feel. Another, more of an artist, waits for inspiration to strike, then comes up with a thing o’ beauty.

Which is better?

Answer: The one that generates more orders. A/B/C test them (“C” being the current design) with your company’s web merchandising system.

You can start your path to enlightenment whichever way is most comfortable for you. You’d better finish it with the best evidence and logic you can muster, though.

Because if you don’t, you don’t actually understand anything at all.

Now, if you’re like most people that won’t stop you from having strong opinions.

But it will make you an NTAP.

In the late 1600s, Sir Isaac Newton and Gottfried Leibnitz invented calculus more or less concurrently. The question of who published first raged for decades.

In the 1800s, Sir Charles Darwin and Alfred Russell Wallace both figured out how new species could arise from existing ones through the force of natural selection. Aware of each other’s work, in 1858 they presented their work together to the Linnaean Society.

In 1876, Alexander Graham Bell and Elisha Gray submitted patent applications for the telephone within hours of each other.

But in 1968, when Douglas Engelbart, who passed away recently, presented his live demonstration of a computing system that included the use of a mouse, videoconferencing, word processing, cut-and-paste, hypertext, revision control, and collaborative editing, he was the only person in the world who had put it all together (thanks to Randy Cunningham’s Honorary Unsubscribe  for providing, not only the details, but a link to a video of the presentation).

Not the only person in the world to have each of the ideas separately, though … Ted Nelson, for example, had been writing about hypertext since 1963.

We celebrate those who invent something important first. We celebrate those who make important scientific discoveries first. And yet, there’s a certain inevitability to all this. From the inside, these inventions and discoveries are more like races, in which the only question is who will cross the finish line first, than they are like the actions of lone explorers, boldly going where no one has gone before.

Maybe this is why we lionize great leaders more than great scientists and inventors: Without Washington, England probably would have defeated the colonists in the Revolutionary War; without Lincoln, and Grant, the Confederacy probably would have succeeded in seceding; without Roosevelt and Churchill the outcome of World War II would almost certainly have been very different.

Those specific, unique leaders were required. It’s doubtful that, with different leaders, we would have ended up with similar results. Take Lincoln: Had Stephen Douglas won the 1860 election the Confederacy might never have formed and slavery might still be legal. Or, more likely, a very different Civil War might have been fought at a very different time and in a very different way.

This is not true of the great scientists. Take Einstein: Had he never published, the current state of physics would be unaltered.

It’s a hard thought to swallow. Collectively, it’s the scientists of the world who have made our modern world possible. Just look around you and start subtracting everything you depend on that wouldn’t exist had the community of scientists never figured out the laws of thermodynamics, the aforementioned calculus, information theory, and another few dozens or hundreds of disciplines. It’s their byproducts that allow the world to operate with more than 7 billion inhabitants.

The secret is that scientists form communities, and it’s these communities that collectively deserve credit for what we as a species collectively know. The individual scientists who get the most credit are the ones who are just a bit smarter, just a bit quicker, and who work just a bit harder than the rest.

And, to be fair, in some cases are better politicians: Modern physics, for example, is a very expensive discipline; in order to make the big discoveries you first have to gain access to the big equipment.

Understand, I have nothing but respect for the great scientists, and you should too. While there’s no doubt many were and are driven by a sense of competition, they are far more driven by the desire to understand the universe just a bit better than anyone has understood it before.

Just as the great inventors, like Douglas Engelbart, were driven by the desire to make the world just a bit more capable than it was before.

The world of business has more in common with scientists and inventors than with the great political leaders: Should a company fail, while it’s hard on its employees and shareholders, otherwise it doesn’t matter a bit. If a department store closes its doors, shoppers will just buy the same merchandise from someone else; the same is true of just about anyone or any business in the market for goods or services.

Perhaps that’s why the self-importance of some CEOs is so amusing. Even those who help their companies win are, for the most part, simply shifting revenue from another company’s coffers to their own.

It’s just a race. What matters isn’t who wins it. What matters is that enough people are willing to run.