Internal customers aren’t.

Customers make buying decisions. Those who use your products and services are “consumers” or “end-users.” The distinction matters, and in my consulting practice I advice clients to reject “internal customer,” which turns IT into a separate service provider, in favor of a more integral, strategic relationship.

Which is way too abstract to be useful.

Relationships must be designed. To help clients design their relationship with the rest of the company I’ve been using a nifty technique with the expensive-sounding moniker “scenario-based design.” Once a client agrees, though, I switch to its other name: “Tales by the campfire.”

The idea: Examples communicate better than abstractions and generalities. Telling tales by the campfire means using specific examples to explain what you want the relationship to look like in action. It’s an excellent starting point for redesigning a relationship.

It only takes a few hours. Ask each member of your team to describe a specific interaction between IT and the rest of the business — both how it happens now (a scary campfire story) and how it should happen (a heartwarming tale of courage and wisdom). Here’s one example:

How it happens now: “June Summers in Accounting called LAN Support because a new employee was starting the next day and would need a PC. Jack Frost in LAN support asked June for the exact specifications, and explained that the standard delivery time for new PCs is three weeks. June got mad because her new employee was starting the next day; Jack got mad right back because June was being unrealistic, and the whole thing became a giant mess.”

How it should happen: “When June first notified HR that she was going to hire the new employee, HR immediately e-mailed LAN Support with the details. Based on the e-mail, Jack Frost contacted June to verify that the standard configuration for that profile would work for the new employee, got the new PC on order, and then configured it, tested it, and installed it on the new employee’s desk before the new employee started.”

The telling of one anecdote is just the start of the process, of course. Tune in next week for another exciting episode of “Redesigning IT’s relationship with the rest of the business.”

And now, this word from our sponsor …

According to Yoda, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

While the road to the dark side of customer relationship management (CRM) — dubbed “customer elimination management” (CEM) by a different Lewis — follows a different path, it also leads to suffering. As evidence:

My broadband service works great, but I’ve been traveling, which means I need dial-up capability. No problem: My ISP has a mobile access option, which I duly set up according to the instructions. Just one glitch: I can receive mail, but can’t send it.

That was over a month ago. Through endless hours with this CEM practitioner’s on-line chat and telephone-based technical support I’ve learned that:

  • The two help channels use different problem management systems and have no access to each others’ records.
  • Level Three support, also known as “Network Operations,” isn’t allowed to talk directly to customers. That’s their policy, and it’s unbreakable.
  • For that matter, Level Three support can’t talk directly to Level Two, either. The telephone system has been carefully engineered to prevent it, even though the two groups work in the same building.

I’ve extracted some lessons for establishing a successful CEM practice in your own organization:

1. Make sure organizational boundaries are high. Use technology and your accounting system to reinforce them. In the case of my service provider they’ve gone the extra mile: While the parent company owns an excellent dial-up ISP with the same core brand, broadband is a different division, so it set up its own dial-up service rather than piggyback on one that works exceptionally well.

2. Institute bad metrics. From my various conversations it’s clear this company only measures the number of problems resolved. This ensures an unrelenting focus on dealing with the easy ones. Letting a few tough ones go for a month or three won’t affect the performance reports.

3. The more policies the better, and make sure every employee knows they’re all that matter. Since my first article on CEM I’ve received an avalanche of CEM stories, and most included at least one episode of “That’s our policy.” A thick policy manual and CEM go together like toast and jam.

If you’re wondering, I tried to offer my provider a chance to respond. Unfortunately, the company keeps its media relations group well-hidden, as carefully sequestered as its Level Three support engineers.

Hey, do you think it’s the same guy?