How did benchmarking and best practices ever get lumped together? They’re entirely different subjects, linked only by their common use of outside information.

Regular readers know that I’m no fan of benchmarking. Think of benchmarks as Barbie, and the typical corporate response as the equivalents of implants, liposuction and anorexia. Benchmarks can drive organizations into obsessive monitoring of measures irrelevant to their situations, and mindless pursuit of results developed for someone else.

Benchmarks are, for the most part, a waste of time. Baselines are an entirely different story. If you’ve chosen the right measures, baselines are unfailingly useful. Baselines tell you if you’re improving, and by how much. Without baselines, you’re just guessing.

Baselines and best practices go together like green eggs and ham. You may not like green eggs and ham, (you may not like them, Sam-I-am), but once you try them you will find/they’ll help you in your daily grind. Best practices are what you use to improve upon your baseline measures.

I don’t get many questions about developing appropriate PC support measures, or for PC support best practices. What I’m asked most often is the right ratio of PC support staff to end-users.

This is a benchmarking question. The answer is similar to Abe Lincoln’s response to the boy who asked how long his legs should be (“Long enough to reach the ground.”). Don’t even ask, because some other company’s answer, or even worse, the average of hundreds of other companies’ answers, are meaningless for you.

Too many variables affect the answer: Laptops used by travelers are harder to support than desktops used in the home office. Engineers need a wider range of software than financial analysts (and their problems are generally harder to understand, too). A network of small sales offices poses support challenges not found in a centralized facility. And you may need to provide different service levels than “the average” company does.

Here’s a good way to set your company’s support ratio: Use current service levels and staffing as a baseline. Set a goal of improving your service goals by 10 percent a year without changing your ratio of analysts to end-users. Then stop worrying about whether you have “the right” ratio. There isn’t one.

If that isn’t good enough, visit your company’s call center manager and ask for help. Call centers have the same problem you do, only they’ve solved it. The solution isn’t just for the Help Desk, which is (of course!) a call center.

A call center calculates its optimal workforce by modeling a queue. Callers enter the queue at a predictable rate, and agents remove callers from the queue at intervals determined by the number of agents and the average time each agent spends on a call. All these quantities are subject to statistical variation, of course, and calls can move from one queue to another.

Sounds like your PC support function, doesn’t it?

The call center manager almost certainly has call center workforce planning software you can use. Plug in your data – number of requests for assistance, average time needed to service different types of request, and the number of analysts available to handle requests – and read out the answer.

You do have the data, don’t you?

This column is about running IS. The politics it usually covers are corporate politics … the brown-nosing, back-stabbing, hallway persuading, deception, misdirection, and lunch-buying that is basic to business.

Governmental politics I usually leave alone. I’m not a ribbon-wearing actor, so I figure I have no special expertise that warrants your attention. I’m about to make an exception, because a political issue is about to have a big impact on the world of IT.

The issue itself is the ridiculous notion that writing big “soft money” checks to a political party is an expression of free speech. Conservative pundits in particular have adopted this cause, but in all their tortured logic they’ve proved only that they’ve become toadies to those among the ultra-wealthy and influential who will do anything to increase their wealth and influence, regardless of the social consequences.

Let’s be clear about the relationship between wealth and free speech: If you want to use your wealth in the pursuit of free speech, buy as many full-page newspaper (or television, or radio) ads as you want to present your views. Heck, buy as many newspaper companies as you want. That’s free speech. Writing politicians checks to influence votes isn’t free speech. It’s bribery, no matter how hard George Will tries to make it into something noble.

As an IS manager, soft money is about to affect you in a personal way. As evidence, I offer a recent Wall Street Journal article describing meetings between Bill Gates and senior Republican lawmakers, after which the lawmakers called for a probe into the Justice Department’s prosecution of Microsoft.

Did Bill Gates bribe the Republicans? Not hardly. Microsoft pursued the high road, honorably exercising its right of free speech by contributing lots of “unrestricted soft money”. Your stance on DoJ vs Microsoft notwithstanding, if you understand basic civics you should be outraged.

How does this affect you? One word: UCITA (the Uniform Computer Information Transactions Act). InfoWorld columnist Ed Foster has fought a lonely battle against UCITA in these pages. All he’s had on his side are facts and logic. But when your state legislature debates UCITA it may hear lots of free speech “rebuttals” in the form of soft money contributions.

So I’m going to make an exception to my policy of avoiding politics, because in this particular case, InfoWorld’s readers can have a significant impact. At least, some of you can. Here’s how:

CIOs have access to CEOs. CEOs, at least those of large corporations, have access to, and considerable influence over politicians. Don’t want UCITA to become law? Make sure your CEO and chief legal counsel understand how it could affect your business if it passes.

Handle this gingerly — you’ll be taking a risk. Be businesslike, not alarmist. Recommend that your chief legal counsel review UCITA as the first step — don’t recommend any action based on your understanding alone. But introduce the issue. Educating your company’s leaders on issues like this is your responsibility.

In a nation that views influence-buying as free speech instead of bribery, UCITA won’t be stopped with mere facts and logic. It will be stopped the way it’s being promoted: by old-fashioned political arm-twisting.

I suggest you use your political skills … the corporate kind, that is … to make that happen.