Buddhist Monks Brawl At Sri Lanka Peace Protest.

No, that didn’t come from the Weekly World News (WWN). It really happened. Not to pick on Buddhists, but this really happened too: According to Newsweek, the Chinese government has passed a law making unauthorized reincarnation illegal in Tibet.

With real news like this it’s a wonder even the Onion can survive. Sad to say, even if WWN had maintained its magical work environment (“CIOs Learn Leadership Insights from Elvis,” KJR, 8/13/2007) and the quality reportage of its heyday — stories like Saddam and Osama Adopt Shaved Ape Baby (part of its ongoing coverage of Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden’s secret marriage) — it might not have survived reality’s onslaught.

For working IT managers, a more interesting question is how fun can survive reality’s onslaught. Reconciling it with leanness and meanness — the epitome of virtuous management in modern business — is an intriguing challenge.

Let’s imagine you work in an evidence-driven business — one where the executives who make strategic business decisions use data and logic to do so. In a company like this, how might you make a business case for fun? How, that is, would you go about tabulating the costs and benefits that would let you compute the internal rate of return on the company’s investment in it?

The starting point is the usual starting point: Defining fun. The dictionary definition — “what provides amusement or enjoyment,” isn’t bad, but to reassure your executives you’ll want to clarify that your goal isn’t to amuse your employees. It’s to create an enjoyable environment — one that isn’t grim. One in which, among other things, it’s okay for them to amuse each other.

The next question is benefit: What the business will get out of its investment in fun.

Recall that there are three categories of business benefit: Revenue enhancement, cost reduction, and risk management. Fun can contribute to all three of these.

Revenue enhancement is the biggest opportunity. Every time anyone has investigated the subject, customer satisfaction correlated more strongly with employee morale than with any other single factor in business. Even the most skeptical executive will agree that customer satisfaction translates to increased customer retention, increased walletshare, and an increased likelihood that satisfied customers will say good things about your company to their friends — all revenue enhancers.

It’s possible that someone might challenge the connection between a more enjoyable work environment and improved morale. If you encounter skepticism on this level … RUN!!! Your company has been taken over by Pod People!!!

Cost reduction is next. Fun’s contribution to cost reduction is harder to demonstrate in tangible terms, but it is no less real.

In some work environments the employees are zombified. Dull-eyed and uncaring, they go through the motions and the motions themselves take twice as long as they should. The math is easy: If every motion takes twice as long as it should, the amount of output each employee creates in a unit of time is half what it could be. Energized, motivated employees are the cure.

And that’s the smaller benefit. The larger: For most positions, replacing a departing employee costs about one year’s salary. Another factor: Not all employees contribute equally, and the best employees are the ones most able to find a better place to work.

Create an enjoyable work environment and the company will reduce unwanted turnover, especially among its best employees. That saves a lot of money.

And now, risk management: As every security professional knows, disaffected employees are the single greatest risk most companies face. Mathematically, the risk is the probability of one disaffected employee doing something nasty multiplied by the number of disaffected employees. Creating an enjoyable work environment reduces this number, lowering the overall risk.

Those are the most obvious business benefits. What will it cost to create those benefits?

Here’s one expense: If the company’s work environment is unpleasant, it’s because of the managers who place no value on employee morale. Replacing them won’t be cheap (a year’s salary each — remember?).

Other than that, fun is free. There’s no net cost from the time employees spend amusing each other. That simply replaces the time now lost to grumbling. Nor does fun require any capital investment. “All” that’s required is a change in attitude on the part of the company’s managers.

My bet: Most would welcome the opportunity. They just need permission.

That just might be the saddest statement in the history of Keep the Joint Running.