Those who extol the virtues of small business often say that big businesses hold meetings to plan how they’re going to hold meetings.

Pretty funny stuff, huh?

I thought so too, until I attended eight half-day training sessions on group process dynamics and interaction management several years ago.

There’s some logic in doing this. In most big companies, employees attend a gaggle o’ meetings every week, so making meetings more productive pays off. When managers learn the basics – have an agenda; review old action items at the beginning and new ones at the end; look for non-contributors to conversations and actively seek their ideas – meetings will be more productive.

Running a meeting is as much a part of the manager’s basic toolkit as is a saw for a carpenter.

You can make your meetings even more productive if you follow the guidelines in this column. Warning: what follows requires sophisticated mathematics, and isn’t for the faint of heart.

Step 1: Cut the average number of meetings in half.

Here’s how you got into this mess. At some critical point it became difficult to call meetings because everyone’s schedule had become clogged with other meetings. What’s the logical response? Establish a standing meeting, so everyone will reserve time in advance on their calendars. The consequence: having too many meetings leads to more meetings.

Here’s what else happens: everyone spends so much time in meetings that they have too little time to get work done at their desks. The result: meetings become working sessions, not review sessions, leading to a need for … yet more meetings.

Then a pernicious effect sets in: Employees, and especially managers, lose the habit of time management. Instead, their appointment calendar manages them, and they go from meeting to meeting until the week has ended. Free time actually becomes a psychological threat.

Break this logjam. Encourage everyone to say “No.” It isn’t all that hard. Once you have 20 hours of meetings on your calendar, make appointments with yourself for the rest. Say, “Sorry, I’m tied up the rest of this week. How else we can handle this?” Or, “You don’t need me. I trust you to do the right thing.”

Now you can convert meeting work to individual work. Brainstorming sessions are a prime candidate, since psychologists have proven they rarely work anyway. Substitute a process where individuals develop ideas independently and e-mail them to a central “idea facilitator” who organizes them, eliminates duplicates, and publishes a consolidated list for independent review and evaluation, prior to a meeting to finalize solutions.

Step 2: Cut average meeting size in half.

This is simple. The bigger the group, the slower the progress. Two is best – you can bounce ideas off each other without having to wait your turn too much. Up to seven is okay. Ten is the maximum for anything other than a presenter/audience format.

So why do we have big meetings? Lack of trust. I won’t buy into any result unless I personally had a hand in its creation. All constituencies must be represented in the process or they won’t accept the conclusions.

Design each team to have the smallest number of participants possible while still containing the expertise needed to get the job done. Everyone else? Put them on a “Steering Committee” that meets monthly, or even quarterly, to review and comment.

These two simple steps – cutting both the number of meetings and their attendance – are simply stated. Achieving them will take commitment, vigilance, and strong leadership.

The benefit is awesome. In some companies, managers spend more than thirty hours each week in meetings. The program described in this column would cut that to less than ten. That’s twenty additional hours per week per manager of real work.

You could spend ten of them procrastinating and still be way ahead.

Every so often I think about taking the bus. I’d like to be socially responsible, reducing our country’s dependence on foreign oil imports and lowering my personal contribution to atmospheric pollution.

Regrettably, my irregular schedule discourages the practice. After 5pm, the bus runs only once an hour, and if you’ve ever stood outside in a Minnesota bus stop in January, you understand the limits of social responsibility – and of centrally-controlled, shared resources.

Yet Larry Ellison, Scott McNealy, and Lou Gerstner all want me to embrace the network computer (NC) which, bus-like, will impose unnecessary and unwanted constraints on me.

The NC concept rests on false assumptions (FAs, to use the technical term). Among them:

FA #1: The NC and Thin Client are related: Nope. “Thin client” is a software architecture. Three-tier client/server architectures partition applications into independent processes handling presentation logic, “business logic” (a catch-all for a variety of different functions) and database services. You can implement thin-client applications on PCs. Heck, you can run everything on the same desktop PC and still have a thin client. It’s software, not hardware.

By the way, do you think “thin client” would be so appealing if they’d called the alternative a “thick client” or “muscular client”? And would it still be a “fat client” if it ran QNX or Linux instead of something flabby like Windows? I doubt it. This isn’t a dialog. It’s name calling.

FA #2: The NC and Java are the same thing: Well of course not. A PC can run Java code just fine. Not only that, but you can upgrade a PC with a better just-in-time Java compiler, language revisions, bug-fixes, and other stuff like that.

FA #3: The PC has huge hidden costs: This takes more than a one-paragraph tirade. A hint: everything written on the subject is a cost analysis, not a cost/benefit analysis, not a cost comparison with alternatives, and not the only analysis that matters: a cost/benefit comparison with alternatives that provide equivalent functionality.

FA #4: Java is portable: Wait a few years. You’ll have new models of the NC with enhanced functionality. You’ll have proprietary extensions. You’ll have competing, incompatible NC architectures. Suppliers differentiate themselves from each other, because if they don’t they’re selling commodities, and commodities have razor-thin margins.

FA #5: The NC has no hidden costs: Once you buy into NCs you’ll need more bandwidth, bigger servers, and more sophisticated network, server, and applications management.

Why do you think IS installs applications on PC hard disks instead of servers now? It’s the bandwidth needed to download DLLs from servers. Download a DLL, download a Java application, what’s the difference? Java doesn’t magically shrink the size and complexity of a word processor or spreadsheet.

And since the NC is simply a paperweight when the network, server, or application crashes, you need better management of all three. Clue: who wants to sell you the servers and management software?

Here’s why the NC won’t succeed. People bought PCs specifically to gain independence from control-oriented IS organizations. The PC freed employees to do what they chose, not what IS decided they should do.

The claimed benefit of the NC is its greatest hidden cost: With it, IS morphs back into the god of software, arrogantly dictating what end-users can and can’t use. If the NC succeeds, end-users will simply re-invent the disconnected PC or independent departmental LAN, so they can do what they want, instead of what IS lets them.

Technology doesn’t only follow business requirements. Sometimes it creates business opportunities, or leads to unexpected business results.

Adoption of personal computer technology in the 1980s led inevitably to employee empowerment. Look at the arguments in favor of the NC and you’ll discover a thinly veiled attempt to disenfranchise employees again.

As is true so often when you peel the onion a bit, it’s enough to make you cry.