Management Speak: You have the unique ability to describe technology in an easy to understand format.
Translation: We had no idea you were such a simpleton when we hired you.
Do you think IS Survivalist Riley T. Bell is sending me a message?

Management Speak: We are not interested in helping the users here. We are only interested in clearing the help desk queue.
IS Survivalist Howard Wexler and I agree that no translation will do justice to this sentiment.